One of the biggest challenges many empaths have is they can often feel energetically that everyone wants a piece of them. And as Dr. Elaine Aaron and Dr. Northrup suggests there is a lot more people who think they are empaths than they actually are. You may have empathic traits but that doesn’t mean you are an empath. So many many people struggle to understand the unique challenges empaths face.
Especially if you are the type of empath who automatically wants to help fix, heal, nurture, care, or support anyone who you think needs it. Because unconsciously you absorb their pain while they feed off and deplete your energy. This can be an unhealthy cycle many empaths struggle to break. Because consciously never mind unconsciously empaths are so used to being of service. They are so compassionate being in-tune with other people’s pain, so used to absorbing all sorts of energy around them. That saying no and having boundaries can feel as if it goes against your core essence.
The Empaths Need To Learn How To Say NO
As an empath and/or sensitive you have to be able to say no, you need to learn how to have really really strong boundaries. You have to be energetically aware when others are trying to push their agenda and needs onto you. At a cost to you. You are the only person who knows what you can give to others healthily and what you can’t, something I still work on. And yes for most empaths boundaries is not something that comes easily.
Why Empaths Attract The Needy, The Narcissists
So many empaths attract the needy, the narcissists, and the energy vampires. If we are not fully in our body or mindful don’t it is easy not to recognise when we are being sucked dry energetically by another person until after the event. So many of us have spent most of our life enmeshed in other people’s drama, energy, and pain that we genuinely don’t recognise our own needs or feelings in the situation.
So energetic and boundary awareness is something we seriously need to work on. Anyone who struggles with energetic boundaries can also be more easily swayed by other people’s ideas, thoughts because of the dis-entanglement of energetic thought patterns.
If you were discouraged from standing up for your own needs as a child or were silenced in some way. Lack of assertiveness and boundaries has to be addressed alongside a deep recognition that your needs are as important as others. Inner Child work can really help with this challenge because these beliefs and conditioning were formed in childhood.
As a highly sensitive caring empath for as long as I can remember. I attracted many people and situations in my personal and business life that didn’t serve me. Why? Because I am a natural over giver, someone who for most of my life has been an energetic sponge.
When Everyone Wants A Piece Of You At Work
On one hand, it can extremely positive when you have skills and gifts people feel they want or need. But only when your gifts are being equally valued, when you are receiving what you need in exchange for those gifts. And when you can actually balance your time and energy efficiently in a healthy and balanced way.
But so many empaths in businesses not only undervalue their worth but because they come from a place of service, their business can get easily get confused by the structure and model of a charity rather than a business. Often letting their empathic nature get in the way of vital business decisions. Empaths too easily attract the freebie seekers, the energy exchangers, even the manipulators.
Most people would be very surprised or may be shocked by how many emails and Facebook messages I get from people in a week expecting something for free. Now in many ways I love to help I am one of life’s nurturers and over givers. But I live on my own, I am self-employed part-time and have rare and chronic health challenges that impact my daily living and work great. So that comes with even more challenges. I get far easily depleted than most of the people around me. And can take far less clients than other coaches and therapists, I know.
I need to remind myself daily that I need to be served to serve, something that Kyle Gray talks about. When everyone wants a piece of you for free, in-fact expects a piece of you for free, that is something that has to be addressed. And something like you I need to address no matter how challenging it can be.
If you have been a people pleaser most of your life, it can be harder to say NO than the person asking will ever realise.
Now I have run quite a few free Facebook groups in the past but I closed them down because I was inundated by so many personal messages from people who assumed I should give my time, energy, wisdom, and even courses for free. Despite already offering a wide range of resources for free blogs, podcasts, free self-study, and live courses. And what was even more surprising was from a group who were supposed to be empaths and highly sensitive people.
Empaths Tips – What You Can Do
- Develop Self Awareness – when we develop more awareness of the self and our energy we can become more detached from the drama and projections of others. We are less likely to be triggered by our empathic vulnerabilities. One of the easiest ways to do that is to learn effective meditation techniques. Check out my 5 Minute Meditation a powerful meditation tool
- Know Your Needs Are Your Priority – it is vital you work on recognising you are just as important as those around you. You need to be able to take care of your needs before you help anyone else.
- Step Back Energetically – consciously step away from their energy. If you have to imagine you are removing that person from your energy field or unhooking them, do so. Most people have no awareness they are hooking in on or taking from someone energetically. They are just like everyone else on the planet unconsciously trying to get a need filled.
- Take Time Out – take plenty of time to unplug from everything especially others’ energy fields. So you energetically get back into your own body. Even moving yourself to another room or outside, space from the situation for a few minutes can help.
- Don’t Over Think It – don’t allow the ruminating mind to take over. Oh, I should be helping them…it’s a shame…
- Don’t Take On Their Manipulation – don’t allow someone else’s victimhood or manipulation to hook you into their mess. This is simply a subtle form of control, that people use to get what they want out of a situation.
- Access Your Own Inner Wisdom – allow your own inner guidance to make the right decisions again don’t let others sway your decisions. As a very highly sensitive empath and intuitive who has worked with energy for over 25 years. I often have a deep sense of knowing or feel others’ energetic motives which others are unaware of. When I allow others views to cloud my own guidance it usually doesn’t serve me.
- Heal Your Inner Child – heal the childhood experiences that have had you believe you have to fix, nurture, care, support, heal others. Heal the inner child that struggles or doesn’t know how to set energetic boundaries