One of the biggest challenges many empaths have is they can often feel energetically that everyone wants a piece of them. And as Dr. Elaine Aaron and Dr. Northrup suggests there is a lot more people who think they are empaths than they actually are. You may have empathic traits but that doesn’t mean you are an empath. So many many people struggle to understand the unique challenges empaths face.
Especially if you are the type of empath who automatically wants to help fix, heal, nurture, care, or support anyone who you think needs it. Because unconsciously you absorb their pain while they feed off and deplete your energy. This can be an unhealthy cycle many empaths struggle to break. Because consciously never mind unconsciously empaths are so used to being of service. They are so compassionate being in-tune with other people’s pain, so used to absorbing all sorts of energy around them. That saying no and having boundaries can feel as if it goes against your core essence.
The Empaths Need To Learn How To Say NO
As an empath and/or sensitive you have to be able to say no, you need to learn how to have really really strong boundaries. You have to be energetically aware when others are trying to push their agenda and needs onto you. At a cost to you. You are the only person who knows what you can give to others healthily and what you can’t, something I still work on. And yes for most empaths boundaries is not something that comes easily.
Why Empaths Attract The Needy, The Narcissists
So many empaths attract the needy, the narcissists, and the energy vampires. If we are not fully in our body or mindful don’t it is easy not to recognise when we are being sucked dry energetically by another person until after the event. So many of us have spent most of our life enmeshed in other people’s drama, energy, and pain that we genuinely don’t recognise our own needs or feelings in the situation.
So energetic and boundary awareness is something we seriously need to work on. Anyone who struggles with energetic boundaries can also be more easily swayed by other people’s ideas, thoughts because of the dis-entanglement of energetic thought patterns.
If you were discouraged from standing up for your own needs as a child or were silenced in some way. Lack of assertiveness and boundaries has to be addressed alongside a deep recognition that your needs are as important as others. Inner Child work can really help with this challenge because these beliefs and conditioning were formed in childhood.
As a highly sensitive caring empath for as long as I can remember. I attracted many people and situations in my personal and business life that didn’t serve me. Why? Because I am a natural over giver, someone who for most of my life has been an energetic sponge.
When Everyone Wants A Piece Of You At Work
On one hand, it can extremely positive when you have skills and gifts people feel they want or need. But only when your gifts are being equally valued, when you are receiving what you need in exchange for those gifts. And when you can actually balance your time and energy efficiently in a healthy and balanced way.
But so many empaths in businesses not only undervalue their worth but because they come from a place of service, their business can get easily get confused by the structure and model of a charity rather than a business. Often letting their empathic nature get in the way of vital business decisions. Empaths too easily attract the freebie seekers, the energy exchangers, even the manipulators.
Most people would be very surprised or may be shocked by how many emails and Facebook messages I get from people in a week expecting something for free. Now in many ways I love to help I am one of life’s nurturers and over givers. But I live on my own, I am self-employed part-time and have rare and chronic health challenges that impact my daily living and work great. So that comes with even more challenges. I get far easily depleted than most of the people around me. And can take far less clients than other coaches and therapists, I know.
I need to remind myself daily that I need to be served to serve, something that Kyle Gray talks about. When everyone wants a piece of you for free, in-fact expects a piece of you for free, that is something that has to be addressed. And something like you I need to address no matter how challenging it can be.
If you have been a people pleaser most of your life, it can be harder to say NO than the person asking will ever realise.
Now I have run quite a few free Facebook groups in the past but I closed them down because I was inundated by so many personal messages from people who assumed I should give my time, energy, wisdom, and even courses for free. Despite already offering a wide range of resources for free blogs, podcasts, free self-study, and live courses. And what was even more surprising was from a group who were supposed to be empaths and highly sensitive people.
Empaths Tips – What You Can Do
Develop Self Awareness – when we develop more awareness of the self and our energy we can become more detached from the drama and projections of others. We are less likely to be triggered by our empathic vulnerabilities. One of the easiest ways to do that is to learn effective meditation techniques. Check out my 5 Minute Meditation a powerful meditation tool
Know Your Needs Are Your Priority – it is vital you work on recognising you are just as important as those around you. You need to be able to take care of your needs before you help anyone else.
Step Back Energetically – consciously step away from their energy. If you have to imagine you are removing that person from your energy field or unhooking them, do so. Most people have no awareness they are hooking in on or taking from someone energetically. They are just like everyone else on the planet unconsciously trying to get a need filled.
Take Time Out – take plenty of time to unplug from everything especially others’ energy fields. So you energetically get back into your own body. Even moving yourself to another room or outside, space from the situation for a few minutes can help.
Don’t Over Think It – don’t allow the ruminating mind to take over. Oh, I should be helping them…it’s a shame…
Don’t Take On Their Manipulation – don’t allow someone else’s victimhood or manipulation to hook you into their mess. This is simply a subtle form of control, that people use to get what they want out of a situation.
Access Your Own Inner Wisdom – allow your own inner guidance to make the right decisions again don’t let others sway your decisions. As a very highly sensitive empath and intuitive who has worked with energy for over 25 years. I often have a deep sense of knowing or feel others’ energetic motives which others are unaware of. When I allow others views to cloud my own guidance it usually doesn’t serve me.
Heal Your Inner Child– heal the childhood experiences that have had you believe you have to fix, nurture, care, support, heal others. Heal the inner child that struggles or doesn’t know how to set energetic boundaries
Sadly Exam Stress And Anxiety Is A Big Problem For Many Students And Teenagers. Especially with such increase in mental health challenges in young people, especially chronic anxiety and depression.
Exam stress for many is actually stress anxiety, for some it is more anxiety performance. Most students and teenagers are suffering from both exam stress and exam anxiety, so it is important to approach both.Most of us when we hear the word exam get a feeling of panic. But there is so many things your teenager can do to reduce exam stress and anxiety. With the right approach and the right tools you can help increase calm and confidence.
Top Tips To Reduce Teenage Exam Stress And Anxiety
Create A Suitable Study Space: Make sure your child has a suitable comfortable space to study where they wont be disturbed or distracted. A space which is ideal to encourage more calm and focus. For teenagers who lack focus or suffer from ADHD, the NYR Study Remedies roller ball is great, ideal to fit in a pocket, purse or bag
Encourage A Balanced Study Routine: Help or encourage your teenager to create a healthy and balanced study timetable. It is so important your teenagers prioritise their time effectively. It can be so easy for them to want to avoid subjects they struggle with or are concerned over.
Reduce External Stressors: Help take the pressure off your teenager by reducing external stressors as much as you can. If they normally have a lot of home chores try reducing them temporarily during study term. So they are not over stressed and over exhausted.
Encourage Time Out: Make sure your teenager takes plenty of breaks between study time and exams. It is important they take time to switch off. Meditation and relaxation techniques can be really helpful at helping anxious teenagers switch off. Teenagers love my 5 Minute Meditation (included in the Exam Stress Kit) is the most popular tool I have taught for 16 years
Reduce Technology Overload: We use technology for so much in our lives that we forget how over-stimulating and energy depleting it can be. Also most computers and mobile devices such as iPads emit blu ray technology which can play havoc with our nervous system and sleep patterns. So ensure they spend time off computers, phones, facebook…
Encourage Plenty Of Deep Quality Sleep:Good quality sleep can make a huge difference to our concentration, focus and memory recall. Guided meditations designed to support sleep can be really helpful so can muscle relaxation techniques. Lavender oil is a great essential oil that can encourage a deep restful sleep. One product many of clients and friends love is the NYR Organics Night Time aroma ball
Want to support your child or teenager the right way?
My Exam Stress Toolkit
is perfect for teenagers, student and parents who want to get it right.
Why Lavender Essential Oil Should Be In Every Home First Aid Kit
Lavender essential oil is one of the most widely known and used aromatherapy oils. It is an extremely popular essential oil for families, especially for kids and infants. Especially when Lavender is so versatile, in its therapeutic properties, extremely calm, soothing, and generally safe.
Why Your Lavender Essential Oil Should Be Pure And High-Grade Quality
Lavender essential oil is distilled from the lavender plant which grows in rural areas and gardens all over the world. But it is important when buying lavender oil to check it is 100% pure essential oil and of high-grade quality. If you want to use lavender essential oil for therapeutic use you want to know it has a high therapeutic level unfortunately not all brands of essential oils have the same quality. I personally buy from NYR Organics and dOTERRA and the reason why I am a consultant for both.
The Use Of Lavender in The Pharmaceutical Industry
I began studying aromatherapy over 25 years ago and found it fascinating how much you can treat with essential oil Ins. I loved the fact that aromatherapy gave families a more holistic and safer option than many over the counter prescriptions. Very quickly my family and friends began to replace their medicine cabinet and first aid kit with essential oils, especially pure lavender.
Sedating: It can be sedating for most people, the reason why it is so widely used in sleep therapy products, especially bedtime sprays and nighttime oil and bath blends. And some parents find it helpful for ADHD
Antimicrobial: Lavender has been shown in some situations to help reduce microbial activity
Analgesic and Anti-inflammatory: This explains why lavender can be useful for bumps, bruises, burns, sport, and other muscular injuries.
Generally, lavender essential oil is used as an aid to reduce anxiety, bumps, bruises, bites, burns, eczema, emotional lability, exhaustion, fear, hot flushes, hyperactivity,insomnia, low mood, panic attacks, PMT, restlessness, stings, stress, sunburn swollen joints, tantrums, temperatures, worry…
How to Use Pure Lavender Essential Oil
Bath:Add one-two drops of pure essential lavender oil to your child’s bath, 2- 3 drops for older kids 12+.
Massage Blend: Blend one drop of lavender oil with 15ml of carrier oil or unscented pure massage oil and apply to the skin. Infants and toddlers love baby massage it is a great way to encourage healthier bonding and as long it’s done gently for about 5-10 minutes it can help them relax or fall asleep. Use 2-3 drops of essential oils for 7-12 years. Most suitable for children over 2 years.
Spritzer:Add a few drops of lavender oil to water in a large spray bottle, this can be used to help children cool down or calm down. So great for holidays
Compress: Add a drop of lavender to a wet compress for bums, bruises, bites, headaches or a high temperature.
Aromatherapy Diffuser: Diffuse lavender oil to help your child off to sleep. it can also help reduce some type of bacterial infections.
Hyperascius is an intolerance or even pain to different types of sound, it often occurs with tinnitus. It is extremely common in children, though many children out grow it.
Hypersensitive hearing of specific frequencies is seen in many children with autism. Some frequencies such as those above 70 decibels can be unbearable.
Misophonia is a strong reaction to specific sounds, the individual is triggered by specific sounds. There is often a strong emotional correlation to the specific sounds.Misophonia is viewed as a neurological condition it can be a symptom seen in adhd, aspergers, autism
Phonophobia (also called ligyrophobia or sonophobia) is viewed as a sub-category of misophonia. It is an emotional or anxiety disorder which is triggered by a fear of particularly loud sounds. And is often triggered by the discomfort and environmental conditioning of living with hyperacusius
Recruitment is linked to sensorineural hearing loss, the individual often has extreme hearing loss. But when someone for example shouts they suddenly hear and it can be very uncomfortable.
Many assume noise sensitivity is a psychological condition but it is main causes are a neurological reaction.
Some children do get less sound sensitive, some adults or those with specific medical conditions like untreated chronic lymes can develop increased sound sensitivity.
Some children with autism are oversensitive others are undersensitive.
Causes of noise sensitivity
According to the Brain Injury Society those with noise sensitivity “may have a history of Lyme’s disease, Meniere’s disease, TMJ, serious head injury, frequent migraines, Bell’s Palsy, facial nerve dysfunction, excessive ear irrigation or surgery. Hyperacusis can later develop as a result of damage sustained to the hearing apparatus, or inner ear, or the condition may be acquired as a result of damage to the brain or the neurological system during a head trauma event.”
I have lived with noise sensitivity for at least 28 years. But over the last few years the hyperacusis became very extreme and was accompanied by serious light and sound vibration. It got worse after surviving sepsis and approx 30 years diagnosis of m.e. But I have to say according to a test in germany it may be chronic lymes ( I had strange bites at 14 years old) and I was mercury poisoned.
As somone who has taught stress management to parents and kids for 18 years. I have worked with many children who have hyper sound sensitivity issues. But until recently And I had no ideal how disabling, painful, uncomfortable and exhausting hyperascisus could be.
Many people say it can be torterous and I understand why they decribe it this way. I had to move from my previous home because of how the noise started to affect me. It was changed into a main through road for local traffic. And most people could never imagine how dramatically this impacted my daily life and health. On many occasions I nearly passed out, lost my balance and had violent non-epileptic type seizures all times triggered by noise. Now yes mine would appear to be caused by long-term bacterial and viral infection.
But I would urge you to try and comprehend how uncomfortable or painful noise may be for your child. Particularly if you have a very young child or a child who struggles to communicate what they are experiencing.
I am a stress management expert, with highly extensive and advanced techniques and tools to help me remain calm and relaxed in any situation. And although thank goodness I am lucky to have these tools this does not take away how much this disorder can impact your child’s mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.
So How Can You Support your Sound Sensitive Child?
1.Understand your child’s type of sound sensitivity, their triggers and symptoms.
2. Educate your child’s school and teachers on your child’s specific noise sensitivity challenges, the level of sensitivity and key triggers.
3. Prior warning of alarming and noisey sounds can prepare your child’s central nervous system. So work together with teachers, family and friends to work out cues that prepare your child for noise isssues like alarms.
4. Plan and prepare ahead- when you can choose specific times of day, places and areas of a room where your child will be less exposed to too much or particular noises. I know of a situation where a child’s mental wellbeing became seriously distressed and depressed due to the noise of the internet router next to her in her classroom.
5. Minimise the impact when you can: although it may not be a good ideal to completely eliminate your child from all noises. Noises that are extremely uncomfortable, painful or disabling can be reduced by ear muffs, ear plugs and sound cancellation ear phones.
6. Teach your child how to set healthy boundaries– an important part of growing a strong resilient child is teaching them healthy boundaries. A noise sensitive child has usually a very sensitive central nervous system. Noise is one of modern day living’s biggest stressor. So to keep your child physically, mentally and emotionally healthy. It is vital your child can learn how to say NO to noises, games and situations that are di-stressing.
7. White Noise – Some children who are noise sensitive find white noise or fans can soften out the sharp shock of other loud noises.
8. Take Breaks & Rest – regular rest breaks from noisey environments, too many people, parties or events helps keep a child’s nervous system in check.
9. Calm And Patience: It is important that the child and parent learn hows to be calm and patient around sound sensitivity issues. Meditation is an extremely powerful tool that can help the individual cope more resiliently with the challenges. Anything that will calm the central nervous system and help reduce the stress response will help the sound sensitive child.
10. Holistic aids; Deficiencies are sometimes viewed as an issue in sound sensitivity. Many people reduce their sensitivity with supplements of magnesium. Magnesium helps inhibit glutamate which can be a major cause of tinnitus. Magnesium also protects the ears from damage to noise sensitivity. Artificial sweeteners such as aspartame often in many children’s foods, sweets, yoghurts and drinks are reputed to be neurotoxic. So elimination may be helpful.
The challenges of a hyperactive child or child with ADHD
Hyperactivity is a state of mental, emotional and physical over-activity. Kids with Attention Deficient Hyperactivity Disorder can be in a perpetual state of stress due to their hyper-sensitivity. A hyperactive child is more suspectible and triggered by anxiety and stress.
“While hyperactivity is most commonly associated with ADHD, individuals might also have difficulty with a brain or nervous system disorder, emotional disorder, or hyperthyroidism.” SpecialNeeds.com
Symptoms Of A Hyperactive Child
Behaviours and symptoms of a hyperactive child can be extremely varied. But common symptoms of hyperactivity include fidgeting, poor focus and concentration. As well as impulsiveness, irritability and aggessiveness, emotional outburts and overwhelm.
A hyperactive child maybe something you have to deal with more than just, daily or weekly. Especially with so much technology and information overload. So many kids parties and event. This can be extremely stressful for you the parent, caregiver or educator. So it is important to manage or reduce the risk of hyperactivity as much as possible.
Here is 7 Tips To Calm Down A Hyperactive Child
Be Calm, Firm But Caring – A hyperactive child is a child in a highly emotional or stressed state. So firm boundaries and rules are often the only way to stop a situation getting out of hand. Don’t let your emotional frustration fuel the situation. It is important you mange your own anxiety and stress. For toddlers a stop hand signal with a specific word can give a clear message. Especially done at eye to eye level, not hovering down or pointing a finger. Which can trigger more fear or emotional frustration.
Remove Your Hyperactive Child From Their Stressors – Removing or reducing external stimulus. Encourages your child’s mind, body and emotions back into a calm and balanced state. We are more easily stressed by noises, lights, smells, others energy and emotions when we are hyper-alert. So moving your hyperactive child to a more calming environment or activity can be extremely helpful.
Redirect Your Hyperactive Child To Release Excessive Energy – Encouraging a hyperactive child to do short bursts of exercise can help. Young children can learn to shake their body like a deer does, after it freezes during a stressful event. Or they may enjoy sprinting a short distance. Any activity with a certain amount of heavy lifting can also be helpful. But hyperactivity is usually triggered by sensory, stimulus or information overload. Which is often followed by exhaustion. So it’s important not to push a hyperactive child into too much physical acitivity. The reason no 4 and 7 are extremey important.
Lavender For Your Hyperactive Child – Pure lavender oil is something most children find relaxing. A diluted lavender blend can be applied directly to the hyperactive child’s pulse points e.g. wrist, neck or forehead. Aroma roller ball’s are great little inventions. You can add your own aromatherapy blend into to an aromatherapyroller ball and apply directly to the skin. A few drops lavender oil can be blended with a base oil such as grapseed. These are usually an approx 10ml-20ml bottle size, so easily fit into a pocket or handbag. NYR Organic does a range of aromballs. My clients love the Relaxation Remedies To Roll– a blend of bergamot, lavender, geranium. Which is used to help you relax, unwind from stressful situations and the night time remedy one. These could be used by teenagers.
Reduce Internal Stimulants – Stimulants i.e. sugar, artificial sweeteners, colourings especially energy drinks seriously over-stimulate the mind, body and emotions. Even foods your child is slightly intolerant to, can be too stimulating.
Would You Love To Experience More Calm Less Stress?
There are many ways to help empower your child. We are so often told about all the things we shouldn’t do but what about the things we should do.
We all know how much a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence can seriously impact the way we approach and live our life. So how do we give our child who may be sensitive, sensory challenged, shy, disabled or ill their power? Here is a five simple but powerful ways you can begin to empower your child today!
5 Simple, Powerful Ways That Can Empower Your Child For Life
They Are Enough:We live in a society and culture that in many ways has everyone believing they are lacking, they need to have or be more to be loved, accepted, valued, respected, successful. When this is so not true. This is such a huge distortion. We can help a child open up and live their greatest potential. But helping them recognise they are enough right now, at this moment is the most powerful thing you can.
Celebrate Your Child’s Uniqueness:Helping your child celebrate those quirky, unique and challenging traits they may have is about helping them recognise they are so much more than enough. And that they are here with their own unique traits, for a particular purpose. There are somethings a child grows out of but it is so important to love and accept them just as they are.
Open Up Your Child’s Potential: Help your child see out of the box, look past limitations even your own. Open them up to the rich tapestry of life, other ideas, other skills, let them try things. Often parents unawaringly or well meaningly limit their child’s dreams, they can squash down their ” Joie de vivre” Joy of Living. Or they do the opposite and fill in all sorts of activities into their child’s schedule without enough downtime. Sadly over 18 years as a Stress Therapist I have seen many children with depression and anxiety. And some children who developed suicidal tendencies exacberated by this sort of pressure from parents.
Empower Yourself: When you empower yourself, you empower your child, children are energetic sponges, so they can easily take on other’s anxiety, stress and depression. Especially children who are extremely sensitive who find it difficult to identify what is their energy and emotions and others.
Teach Your Child How To Meditate: When you teach your child the right type of meditation, your child can access calm and peace whenever they want. Now I am not talking about guided meditations, they can help your child to relax and help build self-worth, confidence … I am talking about meditation skills that with daily practise will eventually let them access instant stillness. So whatever life challenges or stress come along, your child will have the tools to deal with them more effectively. The right meditation and mindful skills can also help your child become more accepting, compassionate about themself and those around them. Their less likley to have chronic anxiety, depression or chronic stress because they are not as lost in negative thinking.
Eileen is a highly experienced coach, healer and meditation teacher who has studied healing and holistic well-being for over 28 years .
Owner of Stress Coach Training , Eileen is an anxiety and stress management expert who offers online training courses for coaches and therapists. Online Certificated Relaxation Therapist & Teacher Training, Stress Management 101, Meditation Courses, Empaths Tools Kit and Spiritual Marketing Courses For Coaches & Healers