How To Break Free From People Pleasing Patterns And Traits That Are Exhausting And Overwhelming.
As a recovering chronic people pleaser for as long as I can remember. I know too well the personal cost people pleasing has in so many areas of our lives. At one point in our life people pleasing keeps us psychologically and or in some situations physically safe.
But in the long term, people pleasing costs us our power, our health, our sovereignty, even our purpose.
What Causes People Pleasing Patterns?
People pleasing traits stem from a fear of rejection or even harm. People pleasing behaviour patterns start from childhood, where the child’s needs were not met in cases where parents’ love, care, or safety was conditional. And in situations where there was trauma, abuse, or neglect.
Situations where the child learns or believes their needs are not important. This happens commonly in children who become caregivers or who have to parent themself or their siblings.
Also in situations where a child has never been taught or shown the importance of healthy boundaries and self-care. Children will often mimic parents who lack self-care and healthy boundaries.
Social conditioning and cultures that prioritise politeness over personal sovereignty, self care and healthy boundaries.
The People Pleasing Empath And Caregiver
Many empaths and strong caregiver archetypes are big people pleasers. Especially emotional empaths who are so entangled in the emotional needs of others that they lose themself in the process.
That is why many empaths often take on strong caregiver roles and are altruistic, big-hearted, compassionate, and so service to others that they are often taken for granted and taken advantage of.
And easy targets for narcissists and first-class emotional manipulators.
The Harsh Cost Of Being A People Pleaser
People pleasing has a big personal cost on so many levels
Chronic Exhaustion And Burnout:
That is one of the reasons many empaths, strong caregivers, and helper archetypes are more likely to suffer from mental, emotional, and physical fatigue conditions such as chronic fatigue and compassion burnout. Other than the wide range of root causes of these conditions, people-pleasing habits lead us to push past our limitations and become really unhealthy empaths.
Low Self-Esteem And Self-Worth:
Many people pleasers spend most of their lives entrenched in other people’s opinions and values rather than their own. This creates inner conflict and confusion, leading to a vicious cycle of low self-esteem and self-worth.
Procrastination
Procrastination and difficulty making decisions are common issues among people pleasers and empaths. They are more likely to make decisions based on others’ needs and values than their own, which actually creates further self-worth and self-esteem. In many empaths, this is ingrained in unfounded guilt.
Relationship Difficulties:
People pleasers are more likely to attract people and family dynamics ready to take advantage of their overpleasing nature. They can feel very unseen and unmet in various situations in personal relationships, business, and work.
Jack Of All Trades:
A people pleaser is more likely to be unhealthily self-sufficient, so in many ways, to survive has had to do many things alone. So they are more likely to have tried and dabbled in many areas, which can create confusion in relation to business, work, and purpose.
How To Beat Those People-Pleasing Traits
Personal Sovereignty:
Simply understanding the importance and power of personal sovereignty and self-ownership can help you recognise you are more than worthy and also self-responsible. You are a sovereign being who is more than enough. You are also responsible for attracting and allowing in, which, yes, can be a difficult pill to swallow, but is true and something we have to learn how to overcome.
Get Grounded And Centred:
The more grounded and centred you are, the easier it is to stand in your own energy and power. It is also makes it easier to become more energetically aware when you are giving your power away. When you are entangling yourself in other people’s needs or wants, rather than your own.
Self Awareness And Awareness:
Good self-awareness is vital; notice when you are saying yes all the time when you mean no. Notice when the people pleaser part of you takes over, because people pleasing is just one part of you, it is not the whole you. Recognise when you are being manipulated, gaslight and self-sacrificing your own needs.
Notice where you struggle to ask for help and support from others, or where you are being withdrawn support by others around you.
Healthy Boundaries:
Learning how to set and maintain healthy boundaries is so important for self-worth and self-care. This includes healthy boundaries in every area of our life. For empaths this involves also energetic boundaries which can be easier to harness with various types of energetic work. Learn better communication and assertiveness skills.
Healing Inner Trauma And Distorted Beliefs
Heal your inner trauma and inner child wounds. Explore and heal your archetypal light and shadow traits that are keeping you stuck in self-sabotaging and people-pleasing behavioural patterns.
Ask For Help
Don’t be scared to see help and ask for help. We are all interconnected and here to support each other and walk each other home. Learn the right tools, get the right help from those who can support you in the best possible way. Especially those who understand, who have had similar challenges.
Eileen Burns is a highly sensitive empath, coach, and healer who helps empaths, healers, and conscious souls become more soul-aligned and soul-empowered. She offers a variety of courses, meditation, training and one to one support.
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