The Art Of Self-Compassion And Compassion. Why compassion for ourselves and others is so important, especially during this time of awakening and ascension?
How to find self-compassion for ourselves and others without suffering from compassion fatigue?
What Is Compassion?
Compassion is the strong emotional feelings we have in relation to another person’s pain and human suffering, whether that be emotional, mental, physical, or spiritual pain.
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is having the same level of compassion and positive regard for ourselves that we have for other people. Some say it is a form of goodwill towards ourselves as it involves helpful thoughts, kindness, and a deep caring for oneself.
Why Is Self-Compassion So Challenging?
But why is self-compassion such a struggle for so many people, especially empaths and those in the caring professions, who show so much compassion for others on a daily basis?
Like everything in life, there are many reasons we can struggle with self-compassion, as much as we can also suffer compassion fatigue.
Common challenges with self-compassion are often linked to an inability to look at our own trauma, our own pain, distorted beliefs, and unhealthy patterns.
This can lead to unhealthy expectations of self and others, which can cause a lot of inner conflict, that leaves us believing that we all need, must, or should be super perfect, superhuman, be there more for others than ourselves.
Which can lead to all sorts of problems such as burn out, illness, resentment and compassion fatigue.
There is a general view that a lack of self-compassion stems from poor self-worth and self-esteem. Though, according to Professor Kristin Neff, 5 Myths Of Self Compassion one of the biggest problems is actually an over-emphasis on self-esteem.
She has a very valid point, in relation to the personal development and coaching industry which often implies self-esteem, as something you achieve through striving, and goal-setting, in relation to building self-confidence.
When one over-identifies with the human self, the egoic self rather than our soul essence and god spark we are more likely to suffer from human burnout and compassion fatigue. Which is so prevalent in the health and caring industry.
Signs Of Compassion Fatigue
Compassion fatigue can show up in all sorts of ways, here are some common symptoms of compassion fatigue
Loosen Our Over Identity With The Human Experience: One of the wisest things we can do is to learn how to loosen our over-identification with the human experience. And nurture a deeper connection with our spiritual self. Every single one of us has human challenges, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities to face. It is easy for us to judge ourselves or others harshly when we over-identify with the human aspect instead of the soul. When we can find the wisdom to view human conditioning from a more spiritual or awakened perspective the easier it is to bring in objectivity and more compassion to ourselves and others
Develop An Open Heart: An open heart moves us out of judgment and self-judgment. It helps us move out of polarity, out of I am right, you are wrong. I am weak your strong or vice versa. It moves out of any competition or needs to be anything or anyone, into the ability to radiate true love including ourselves.
Deepen Your Soul Connection: A good soul connection starts with a good heart connection, it helps us be guided by our soul of what is right for us and what is not.
Identify Your Main Shadow Archetypes: Identifying the main shadow archetypes that are withholding compassion can help reveal a lot about our triggers. For example, if we see the Martyr, Rescuer, Judge, Ruler, Victim, or other archetypes at play, we can see what distorted narratives and patterns need to be balanced. While doing shadow work it is important to do be more self compassionate towards ourselves and others.
Heal Your Inner Child: Healing your inner child trauma with deep self-compassion and spiritual maturity helps us heal unhealthy distortions of how we must, should, or need to be. It also helps us heal certain expectations we put on others. Other than actively getting the right help and support to heal our inner childhood wounding. There are a variety of natural essences and essential oils that can support us Ylang Ylang Oil is a useful essential oil that helps soothe and comfort the inner child.
Become More Present: The more present we can become in our own lives, the more mindful, aware, and present we become to our mental and emotional triggers. The easier it is to start minimizing and eliminating unhealthy reactions and behavioral patterns that keep us in an unhealthy loop.
Practice Patience: Like everything self-compassion and self-love takes time to master. We are all doing the best we can, with the level of consciousness we are at. We all have different types of vulnerabilities and weaknesses, some can be easier than others to work through. It is important to be patient and be…
Be Kind To Yourself: Showing kindness to ourselves is so underrated, in a time when truth is becoming so important it can be easy to forget that there still needs to be a place of kindness, especially self-kindness.
7 Signs You Are Being Gaslighted In Therapy Or Healing
What is gaslighting? And what are some of the most common signs of being gaslighted in therapy, healing or coaching? How to deal with a therapist, healer or even coach that is gaslighting you.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is basically a manipulative tactic one person uses to gain control or power over someone else by basically seeding doubt in someone else’s mind of their own reality. By trying to instil confusion over the person’s own memories, beliefs and sanity.
Gaslighting is a form of control and in many ways psychological abuse and although narcissistic gaslighting is a widely recognised behaviour pattern adopted by narcissists.
Most of us experience some form of gaslighting in our life at some time, especially in situations where we are vulnerable and there is an imbalance of power.
That is why sadly gaslighting at work and in the patient-to-doctor and client-to-therapist relationship is so common. It is not always caused by deliberate abuse or even recognised but it is something I see evidence of in a big way every single day.
We can all get caught up in it gaslighting in subtle ways even though it can be extremely damaging even traumatising to the individual’s psyche, self-confidence and self-esteem.
Gaslighted By The Medical And Healing Profession
I spent years being gaslighted by the medical profession and health practitioners, who didn’t believe the medical challenges I was dealing with.
Mainly due to their own lack of awareness, insight and experience.
It taught me valuable lessons about how well the wounded healer within us all can mean well but can also cause harm to the clients we are supposed to help heal and empower.
And made me question so much around the potential harm around so much fast-track training in the therapy, healing and coaching sector. Especially when I met so many people including clients who were gaslighted by the people that they were supposed to protect them.
Psychological abuse that would have me questioning my own sanity, nearly cost me my eye, my life and the loss of tens of thousands of pounds in the wrong types of therapy and healing.
It highlighted how much a little bit of knowledge and the need to be right or in control can be dangerous even in the most well-meaning individual.
And how much our own personal agenda, our own personal bias and beliefs as a therapist can seriously thwart, harm or sabotage another person’s healing process and self-empowerment.
A more recent visit to a chiropractor highlighted the cost of this problem. After revealing extreme trauma and misalignment to my spine, shoulder, head and body (4 inches of misalignment in very key areas of my body) that went in many ways undiagnosed and untreated for so long that it had caused even more complications. Because of such a push by others what I was experiencing was more psychological when it was physiological.
Sadly this is becoming a huge problem in some forms of healing and therapy, where too many healers lacking expertise, knowledge and awareness are gaslighting their clients’ reality into such an unhealthy degree that many clients are questioning their reality or feel too ashamed, guilty to seek they help they really need.
Gaslighting In The Workplace
Gaslighting in the workplace is one of the most psychologically abusive forms of control in the workplace. It can lead to extreme mental and emotional challenges for the victim or victims. It is something that is not always easy to address, especially when a well-seasoned narcissist knows how to play the victim and the environment well..
Gaslighting In Today’s Society
Sadly gaslighting by people in government and power has never been as strong in the West and worldwide as we have seen over the last few years. This alongside horrendous censorship has created a mass amount of manipulation and abuse of power. This can leave the people questioning their reality, in a state of confusion and disempowerment, a place where the abusers want their victims to be so they can control them even further.
7 Common Signs Of Being Gaslighted In Therapy
Signs of gaslighting in therapy, healing, counselling and coaching.
Creates Doubt/Confusion:
The therapist or healer ignites doubt, and confusion or even tries to trivialise or twist your reality about a situation. This is very common when your reality does not fit someone else’s belief system or agenda. Now of course in certain types of therapy, it is the therapist’s job to help you renavigate distorted thinking. But there is a fine line between twisting someone’s reality and helping them create healthier thinking patterns.
Constantly Tears You Down:
They will tear you down, then try to build you back up, tear you down, build you back up in a way that creates energetic chaos and instability. It feels very unsafe and in many ways is extremely ungrounding and even traumatizing.
Ignite Shame And Guilt:
Often an abusive therapist will take advantage by deliberately igniting shame, and guilt in their client as a way to gain power or control over the client in the session. Or even blame them for their mistakes or ignorance, shifting responsibility for their harmful actions or ignorance onto the client.
Actions Don’t Reflect Words:
They will tell you they are here to help you or support you but their actions imply the exact opposite when you are being gaslighted in therapy, counselling or coaching.
Attempt To Control Your Decisions:
Another way gaslighting can show up is when a healer, therapist or coach tries to control your decisions. They will try to exert power, and control over the decisions you make in your life, relationships, health or business. This is also seen in health professionals or therapists who believe they are the answer to all of your problems and encourage co-dependency issues.
Create Co-Dependency Issues:
Gaslighting often has a huge impact on the victim’s self-esteem and self-confidence this and the constant questioning of their reality and sanity leads them to be more vulnerable to mental and emotional instability and co-dependency issues in the client-to-therapist or professional relationship.
Misdiagnose You:
Sadly a very common form of gaslighting in the medical and healing profession today is misdiagnosing someone as crazy or that someone’s symptoms are all in their head rather than in their physical reality. We see this a lot in newer healers, therapists and health professionals who have a little bit of knowledge, think they know it all and as we say don’t know what they don’t know. It often comes from lack of experience, knowledge and lack of awareness.
How To Deal With Being Gaslighted
How to deal with gaslighting in a therapy, healing or coaching session.
Recognise You Are Being Gaslighted:
It is so important to know when you are being gaslighted, awareness is key. When people talk about gaslighting they often just think about gaslighting in an abusive relationship. But gaslighting happens in different facets of life.
There is a very fine line between a therapist or healer who deliberately manipulates, bullies, gaslights or even coerces you to diminish your power and ability to decide what is right for you. Or one who is just naive and unaware but sadly both can be damaging.
Stand In Your Truth:
Stand in your truth, when being gaslighted. Don’t let someone try to manipulate your experiences. Although some types of therapy and healing are there to help us expand or way of thinking, to help us see our reality is a perception and what we have attracted and manifested into our life.
Don’t let any spiritual or wellbeing professional try to doubt or diminish your personal truth, your experiences. because of their inability to handle, deal or listen to your truth. If you are experiencing serious abuse of power don’t be scared to call them out.
Remember They Haven’t Walked In Your Shoes:
Remember that person has not walked or lived in your shoes, they are only seeing a tiny snap shot of your life from their own lens. That lens could be crystal clear or it could be very distorted. We have to be open to our own blind spots and know we all have our own way of seeing the world, which may or not be truth. But therapists can also have a certain bias, it is why therapists of psychology often see their clients mostly through their psychological perceptions, why many inner child therapists tend see their clients challenges through the eyes of mental and emotional trauma from childhood. And why many bodyworkers mostly view their clients challenges through the world of physiological stress, trauma or unhealthy posture.
Listen To Your Own Soul:
The clearer your connection to your heart, soul and god connection, the easier it is to become resilient to other people’s distortions, projections and energetic interferences. This come from not just a good soul connection but good soul power.
The problem is if you are really energetically sensitive and highly empathic, you are also more open to other people’s wounding and trauma in the collective and this is where it can get energetically confusing,
So in the process of your own healing it is so important to choose not just the right therapist or healer but one with the right skillset and tools for your specific needs that will help honour your soul’s path.
Healing From Being Constantly Gaslighted
One of my biggest lessons has been the importance of choosing the right therapist or healer for me. Learning to ask the right questions and look for key signs that someone may or may not have the expertise or level of awareness or consciousness I need or want.
This includes investing in healers and therapists who are not just about getting the certificates but actually do the inner work.
One of the reasons I now personally choose to mostly invest in therapists, healers and wellness practitioners who have been in the field a long time, highly conscious and awake lightworkers who are highly invested in their own healing journey and spiritual growth. Awake enough to know what is going on in the world.
None of us are perfect, we are all learning, growing and expanding in consciousness and awareness and it is important you choose a therapist or healer that aligns with you.
The last thing you need in the process of trying to heal from gaslighting trauma from a therapist is to face further gaslighting from another healer or therapist or work with a therapist or healer who is not self-aware enough to support you in the best way.
End Any Therapist Agreement That Isn’t Working
Don’t be shy or scared about ending any agreement with a healer or therapist where you feel it is just not working. I know personally I have spent thousands of pounds on healing and therapy that wasn’t the right fit. At times I went to healers and therapists for years just because I felt coerced or obliged.
Avoid working with any therapist or healer who tries to manipulate you into working with them or believes you should be going to them because you know them. This is extremely unprofessional and unethical and in many cases, it can be better to go to someone you don’t know on a personal level.
Self Compassion And Self-Forgiveness
Be kind and compassionate towards yourself, therapy and healing is a process, we all have wounds and challenges that we need help and support with at times for so many reasons. When we are vulnerable and seeking help or answers we don’t always make the wisest choices.
Bring in self-compassion and self-forgiveness and of course forgiveness for the other who is only functioning from their level of consciousness or awareness at that point.
And remember like all forms of healing, take one day at a time, be open to miracles but be patient with yourself when that healing takes a little longer than you hoped or planned.
How To Create A Calm Bedtime Routine For Your Child.
Simple ways to create a happy healthy and calm bedtime routine for your kids and teenagers. For so many parents a calm bedtime routine seems impossible. So many families are so stressed out and exhausted that bedtime can feel like a nightmare or the last straw. But the reality is children’s bedtime don’t have to be as stressful as you think. Some simple changes can make a huge difference to a family’s bedtime routine.
The Benefits Of A Calm Bedtime Routine
As a stress therapist for over 20 years, I know how effective a healthy calm bedtime routine can reduce family stress.
A calm bedtime routine is important not just for the kids but the whole family. Believe me a calm bedtime routine into your evening routine. Can make every family member feels far more happier, healthier and stress resilient to all sorts of stressful life challenges.
5 Ways to Create A Calm Bedtime Routine For Children And Teenagers
Create A Healthy Bedtime Routine
It is important to have set times when your kids must be in bed, must have the lights out. Even times when kids should stop eating, drinking and watching tv. So set specific times when they have to switch off their phone.5
or seriously reduced from early afternoon as stimulants stay in the body for many hours. For example let your child have their favourite treat or sweet early in the day. Encourage teenagers to stay away from caffeine stimulants. As sadly energy drinks are highly addictive and bad for your child’s health. In-fact the withdrawal and side effects can be quite serious.
Encourage relaxing hobbies
like drawing, painting, colouring in, listening to relaxing music. As most children and teenagers today struggle to switch off, relax and fall off to sleep. Kids are so mentally busy and overwhelmed. They have forgotten how to really relax. If you look at most new born babies they naturally know how to just be, how to switch off, be calm and content.
Switch off and unplug.
It is important children and teenagers have rest and quality sleep away from electric devices and technology. Because the electro magnetic frequencies and blu ray from ipads, iphones can play havoc with your child’s nervous system. Examples of healthier night time activities are a relaxing bath, a foot massage or baby massage for toddler or hobbies as mentioned above.
meditation helps your child feel more relaxed, more calm. Guided meditations which are actually guided relaxations can help your child drift off into a deep sleep. So they can be particularly useful for sensory challenged children, more easily stimulated. Your Guardian Angel mp3 is one of my oldest and most popular relaxation tracks for children it is aimed at about 3- 8 years old. but even a little older children have enjoyed it.
Teach Your Child How To Relax
if they suffer from chronic anxiety, chronic overstimulation or stress. Relaxation Techniques can be very helpful for all ages, especially children and teens 5 years up. Learn More
children are so over stimulated today, so ungrounded and disconnected from what is truly natural. It is so important to help support them to feel more grounded, make sure they get out to play in nature daily. Take them out for walks to the park, countryside, encourage them to be bare feet on the ground, the sand, the sea when they can.
Soothing Essential Oils.
There are a variety of soothing essential oils that can be helpful for children and teens, that can help them relax, feel more grounded, safe and secure. Chamomile and Mandarin can be extremely soothing for children, lavender is suitable for children over 2 years of age.
Encourage A Calm Bedtime Routine today
If your child likes learning and reading I have published the Bedtime Tips With Astral- cartoon video into a little cartoon e-book. So it will encourage your child to get off to bed when they are supposed to. And will remind them how important it is to get a good healthy sleep.
Top tips for stressed out kids, children and teenagers. Looking at why so many children are anxious, stressed and depressed than calm, happy and content. Many struggle to fall off or achieve good quality sleep and most struggle to relax and switch off.
Why Is There So Many Anxious, Stressed Out Kids Today?
Well there is a variety of reasons but one of the biggest causes is information overload from technology another is toxic overload from our environment, food and substances we take in internally.
Unhealthy Conditioning And Stressed Out Kids
There is also a major problem with modern day conditioning, where we believe we are more important or are of more value in doing rather than just relaxing and just being.
Society as a whole is struggling to be present, struggling to switch off and move from that active, doing state to our more natural state of being.
When a baby is born it doesn’t need to try to relax or be calm and content it just is. But with a world based on fear and distraction particularly stimulation overload, the child becomes exposed to more anxiety and stressful environments which trigger off the stress response.
Why Sensitive Children Are More Likely To Be A Stressed Out Kid
This is an inherit problem with sensitive children who are naturally more sensitive to their environment around them, including other’s peoples physical and emotional pain.
How To Nurture A Calmer Kid Than A Stressed Out Kid?
Well the first thing you the carer or parent of an anxious, sensitive or stressed out kid, is manage your own stress.
Manage Your Own Stress
Learn how to live your own life as a more calm confident parent. Kids and teenagers feed off of their parents fear, anxiety and stress as well as their unhealthy trauma and distorted beliefs. So it is so important to address your own challenges, manage your own stress and heal your own inner child trauma.
Teach Your Stressed Out Child How To Relax
The next important thing is to teach your child simple but effective life skills that will help them experience more calm and peace. One of the most powerful ways to do that is to teach your child meditation and other forms of relaxation strategies like guided meditations. Which most children love and find easy to do.
Teaching your child how to meditate as in more traditional meditation techniques, can seriously help your child to stay centered, present and calm within them self no matter what is going on around them.
Guided meditations are also extremely helpful in supporting calmer kids, encouraging deeper states of relaxation but they are also very powerful at helping build self-esteem, confidence and creativity.
These strategies can be really helpful at teaching your child how to switch off, relax and have time out which is so important. And is a key part of ensuring a child is relaxed enough to achieve deep quality sleep.
Encourage More Relaxing Hobbies
Encouraging more relaxing hobbies for the whole family can help everyone feel more calm and relaxed. Some activities the whole family can take part in is jigsaws, mindful colouring activities, yoga, meditation or a family walk.
Reducing Overwhelm And Overstimulation In Stressed Out Kids
So many kids are in a constant state of overstimulation they suffer from overwhelm, hyperactivity and hypersensitivity to their surroundings, the information overload, the noise and toxins around them and even in them.
Most kids playtime or relaxation time is not very calming or relaxing, but full of technological devices and distractions that overload the mind. Activities that trigger all sorts of hormonal and emotional over reaction that is anything but healthy.
Just look at how much time young children and teenagers spend today on their phone, i-pad, x-box or computers. And how little time they spend out in nature, that is why it is important to…
The Importance Of Grounding For Anxious Stressed Out Kids
Our natural state of being is to be connected with nature, with the earth not spend most of our waking day behind a screen, sitting in a concrete home that only garden is artificial grass and artificial plants.
Just like the electricity in our home needs earthed, needs grounded so do we, that is a big reason for so many stressed out kids, teenagers and adults.
So get out into nature, take a walk in the countryside, the local park, help your family get more grounded.
Essential Oils For Kids That Are Anxious Or Stressed
Check out my blog Essential Oils For Sensitive Kids to learn about some great essential oils that are great for children that are anxious, stressed or sensitive.
Switch off and unplug.
