Why Creating Boundaries With Family, Friends And Colleagues Is So Hard When You Are An Empath!
Relationships are complex, and for the empath, so are boundaries. In this blog, we will explore the deeper reasons why empaths find setting and maintaining boundaries difficult and how to shift the beliefs and behaviour beneath this unhealthy pattern.
Why Empaths Struggle With Creating Boundaries
For many empaths, caregivers and rescuers, setting healthy boundaries can feel not just unnatural, but emotionally painful. That is why creating boundaries is something empaths often need help with.
Many empaths are so overidentified with other people’s energy and emotions. That many sense, see, feel, and/or know what other people are experiencing.
They unconsciously sense and scan their surroundings on autopilot. Especially if they are a bit of an unruly empath, energetically overwhelmed by the energies, pain, and suffering around them.
And if they are a very highly sensitive empath, their antenna and nervous system can be finely tuned to the world around they can regularly become overwhelmed and overstimulated by the signals other people are giving off.
This can lead to an overriding pattern of wanting to fix, rescue, or remove the pain and suffering of others.
It is one of the reasons why so many empaths can become a victim to their level of sensitivity, until they understand the beliefs and distortions running alongside their over-empathy and sensitivity. And are still healing their own wounding and trauma.
Why Many Empaths Become Chronic People Pleasers
Many Empaths weren’t taught how to set healthy boundaries in childhood. Many are prominent caregivers or had to self-parent early on, so they spend much of their childhood and adulthood caring for and rescuing others.
They also tend to carry unfounded guilt and unworthiness that other people’s pain and wounding is more important than theirs.
This can show up in a variety of ways, such as the over caregiver, nurturer, helper, rescuer, chronic people pleaser, the wounded healer.
I know I spent most of my life as a chronic people pleaser who struggled with maintaining or creating boundaries despite seeking all sorts of help in this area, doing all sorts of assertiveness training, self-development, spiritual and shadow work.
An unruly empath is so deeply overidentified with other people’s pain and wounding that my sense of what was mine and theirs was very distorted.
But the reality is creating healthy boundaries is the important line that prevents compassion fatigue and empath burnout.
The world needs more love and compassion, but how do we do that without serious cost to our well-being?
Having Compassionate Boundaries
Right now so many people are struggling mentally, we are seeing a lot of either emotional detachment and the opposite deep fear, anger or frustration.
And if you are highly empathic or sensitive you are going to be more conscious of it or even be a victim to it. An even more important reason for setting strong yet loving boundaries with those around you.
But the deeper issues right now is most people are very ungrounded at the moment. Very detached from their body, their soul, intuition and discernment. Which is actually keeping them stuck in a pattern of mental and emotional anguish.
It is much harder to create boundaries in our relationships when we are in our head, when are in a state of anxiety. That is why as therapists, as coaches and healer we need to stay grounded to create boundaries in our work. We need to get into our heart and soul to maintain compassionate yet strong boundaries.
Supportive Tips For Creating Boundaries
Meditate Daily:
Meditation can help us get out of our head and stop being reactive to other people’s pain and wounding. And help us both detach from other people’s expectations and become more mindful of our own needs and inner guidance.
Become More Energetically Aware:
Empaths really struggle with identifying what is there feelings and emotions and what is other people’s. The empath can often take on the other person’s pain and wounding which make sit more difficult to set boundaries. So it is important to become more energetically aware of what is your energy and what is other peoples.
Get Clear On Your Non-Negotiables
The clearer you are about your needs and desires. And what’s really important to you, it is easier to clearly communicate and assert your needs. So You can become a more healthy empath and sensitive.
Walnut Bach Essence:
Walnut Flower Remedy is a useful essence from the original Bach Flower Remedies that helps give us a protective energetic boundary between us and the world around us. And helps us adapt to change in a more natural and healthy way.
Centaury Bach Essence:
Centaury Flower Remedy is a helpful natural essence for those who struggle to say no, have lost or tend to lose their sense of identity when they are around others. Centaury can help us become more assertive about our own needs and desires.
On Guard Essential Oil:
During an extremely challenging time after being seriously ill when my empathy and sensitive was out of control On Guard Essential Oil from Doterra was extremely helpful.
Inner Child Healing:
Heal your inner child trauma, unhealthy patterns, and distortions such as unworthiness, low self-worth, and low self-esteem, and unhealthy attachment styles that are contributing to your resistance to setting boundaries.
Get More Grounded:
The more fully you are in your body than in your mind, the easier it is to feel empowered and strong enough to set boundaries. That is why being strongly grounded is so important for empaths. If this is an area you really struggle with, check out my Grounding Tips for anyone who needs help in getting more centred and grounded.
Eileen Burns is a highly experienced coach, therapist, and healer who helps highly sensitive and empathic healers get more resilient and soul-aligned in their purpose. She brings a wealth of knowledge, wisdom, and expertise from over 35 years studying healing and holistic wellbeing. And over 25 years supporting fellow practitioners in their purpose and business.
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